Getting through a holiday while grieving can be a monumental task.
As someone who struggled to get pregnant for several years, Mother's Day sometimes felt like a punch in my gut. Motherhood was an identity I yearned for, but struggled to attain. Treatments kept failing, and I felt like no one understood my situation entirely. Infertility, pregnancy loss, and infant loss can all be devastating for even the strongest woman.
For others, the loss of a mother, grandmother, child, or other close loved one-- especially after such a difficult year as we've just been through-- could make this Mother's Day unbearable. Grieving while the world around you celebrates with bright flowers and cards and special outings can bring back tears, anger, and depression.
Trying to manage any kind of trauma around a significant holiday or event can seem unbearable, but here are some ways you might find helpful to cope, or to help a loved one cope with their difficulty.
- Take care of yourself first. Skip your normal outings. Turn off your phone. Avoid public places if quiet is what your body and mind need. Eat ice cream. Draw, paint, craft. Go for a hike. Whatever usually brings you joy, do it.
- Listen. If a friend or loved one opens up on Mother's Day (or any day) about their pain and grief regarding infertility, just listen. Don't give advice. Don't tell your story as a way to help them see possibilities. And please, don't tell them to "just relax, it'll happen when you least expect it." Your intention might be kind, but the outcome can cause more harm.
- Invite them to do things that are not kid or family focused. Go to a movie, meet up at the gym, grab coffee. Seeing happy families can bring back both fond and sad memories. Find a distraction that still feels normal.
- Create a new, meaningful tradition. Plant a memory garden in honor of the loved one you lost. Make their favorite recipe. Donate money you would have spent on a gift to a charity in their name.
On Mother's Day and any day, if you feel like the grief is too much, please call for help. The journey might be long and dark, but eventually there will be light.
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration's Treatment Referral Helpline: 1-877-SAMHSA7
